Suicide Notes
by EmilyJade91
Summary: You don't really know someone until you see the insanity.


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-1I do not own Beyblade. I do not own the lyrics from the following songs: 'Suicide Notes' by Johnette Napolitano, 'What goes around, comes around' by Justin Timberlake, 'With Every Heartbeat' - By Robyn, 'Disarm' By Smashing Pumpkins, 'In Love Again' By Rouge Traders and 'Bullet with Butterfly Wings' by Smashing Pumpkins.

Contains: Character death and Lemon. 

Suicide Notes.

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_I raised a glass to your last stand._

_The war in your head._

_I did not understand._

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Kai jolted awake, sitting up in his chair. He placed the whiskey glass onto the table next to him. Fourth night in a row, he had fallen asleep after drowning two bottles of whiskey. He stood up, stifling a yawn and walking towards his bedroom. He passed the flashing answering machine, which had 142 flashing messages left on there. He walked into his bedroom, sitting down on his bed, his head a little light from sitting up so fast. He leaned back onto his bed. His bed felt unfamiliar to him. He hadn't slept in it, since that day.

It was the last time he ever saw her.

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July - Three months earlier.

Kai watched as the tall buildings grew into smaller houses and less traffic. For the first time in two years, he was going to see the ex-members of the Bladebreakers. Tyson had rung him up, three weeks earlier mentioning the team all coming to Japan for a reunion of a sort and Tyson wanting Kai to come. Tyson had mentioned something about Hilary and how she'd changed. That had stayed in Kai's mind since, wondering if she was still the fiery, bitchy loud-mouth that she was two years before hand. The taxi stopped outside the dojo, and Kai handed the taxi driver his payment, pulling his small carry-case out with him. He went through the gates of the dojo, towards Tyson's house. It still looked the same, expect a tall, thin girl with long brown hair that was in plaits, sat on the veranda. She wore a small red tank top, short black shorts and black lace up boots to her knees. Kai wondered if this was Tyson's girlfriend. "Is Tyson around?" He asked. 

The girl froze, turned around and shrieked. "OH MY GOD! KAI!" She screamed, jumping up and running over to hug him tightly. He froze in shock. The girl pulled backwards with a look on her face. Kai was confused, wondering who she was. "Fuck man, you can't remember me! It's only been two years!" She exclaimed. Reddish-Brown eyes, pale, hollow face that looked rather sick, Kai couldn't believe it.

"Hilary?" He asked, unsure. 

She beamed. "You're an idiot! I can't believe it. You go back to Russia for two years and you forget me!" She said, throwing her hands in the air. Kai looked at the girl in front of him. She was extremely skinny, and she was very tall, compared to the last time he saw her. 

Kai saw Tyson walk out onto the veranda. "Hilary?" He called out. "Are you okay?" He asked. Tyson stopped when he saw Kai. "Kai, my man!" He said on the top of his voice. 

Kai looked up at Tyson, who looked older and who was staring at Hilary. "Tyson." He said. 

Tyson walked over towards them, stopping next to Hilary. "Why don't we have a chat?" He asked. He turned to Hilary, who rolled her eyes.

"I get it. Private man talk." She walked off, back towards the house. "Nice to see you Kai!" She called. 

Kai watched her walk back inside, scooping up her noodles and singing loudly. "She's changed." He commented.

Tyson nodded. "Boy has she." He said, turning back to Kai with seriousness all over his face. "It's been days since I've seen her actually sober." 

Kai frowned. "What do you mean?" He asked.

Tyson shrugged. "Hilary has a problem. With alcohol. And other stuff." He said, quietly. "I know she drugs when she's out clubbing, but she drinks, drinks every day to a point she passes out and it might be only eight in the morning." 

Kai stared ahead at Tyson's house. "How long has she been like that?" He asks, quietly. 

Tyson shrugged. "For a while, I guess." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's only been apparent lately since I mentioned your name." 

Kai nodded slowly. "Uhuh…" 

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_Just a classic case  
A scenario  
Tale as old as time  
Girl you got what you deserved  
And now you want somebody  
To cure the lonely nights  
You wish you had somebody  
That could come and make it right_

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Kai shook hands with Rei, who stands next to a very pregnant Mariah who is complaining about water weight that she's put on to Hilary. Kai stands there, hands in his dress-pants pockets. He and Rei obviously had thought the same thing, look smart without getting nagged at. Rei, in a white dress shirt and black pants, and Kai in a dark blue dress shirt and black pants. Mariah in a long lilac coloured dress that is tight around her stomach, while Hilary, who didn't nag(Kai half expected her too) wore a very revealing black mini-dress, that almost seemed to hang off her. 

"It's been a while." Said Rei, who looks around. "Have you seen Max anywhere?" He asks Kai who shrugs. "I wonder if he's coming."

Kai nods. "I wonder." He said. "I haven't talked to him in a while." He looked away. "Haven't really talked to anyone in a while." He muttered. 

He watches Max walk in. Taller, blonde and quite handsome, his surprised that Max is alone for the occasion. "Kai! Rei!" He calls out loudly, bouncing towards them. _'Same old Maxi-Boy' _Kai thought. "It's been a while!" He exclaims, while shaking Kai's hand vigorously. "How have you been!" 

"Okay." He replied. 

Max's smile faltered. "It's nice to see that you haven't changed." He said, watching Hilary smoke out on the patio. "She's sure tall now. I thought Tyson was lying through his email." Max turned, and started talking to Rei. 

Kai caught Mariah's eye. "She misses you." She said quietly, walking past him.

Kai stood still. Mariah knew about them, Hilary had told her. He inwardly groaned. "Fuck." He muttered.

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_And it hurts with every heartbeat._

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Kai stood next to Hilary, who dropped her cigarette on the ground, stubbing it with the toe of her very expensive looking high heels. "How long have you been smoking?" He asked, gaining her attention.

She shrugs, the whole dress moving with it. "Five, six years." She answered. She coughed after speaking, her cough loud like she had a cold. "I have forgotten." Kai nodded slowly. "I've forgotten most things." 

"That's a sad thing." Kai said. "To forget things." He felt Hilary shifted slightly next to him.

"Did you forget us?" She asked in a quite voice. Kai froze in shock. Two years previous, they had been together once. It had been the last time he had seen her. He hadn't even heard from her once. Kai went to open his mouth to say something, but Hilary beat him to it. "Don't bother. Don't remember." She said, before turning on her heel and stalking away.

Kai followed her, back through out Tyson's house. He past Rei, Mariah and Max who were all happily chatting. He passed Tyson who had an arm wrapped around the waist of Miriam, whose younger brother Joseph was death glaring. He went out the front door, following the way he had seen her go. He walked eight blocks before stopping outside a bar. A man sat on a park bench. Kai turned to him. "Have you seen a woman wearing a black dress. She's tall, thin and long brown hair." 

The man on the park benched smiled and stood up. "Yeah, the pretty little thing strode into the bar across the street." He said, chuckling. "She looked like she was going to be a easy catch." He said, getting on Kai's nerves. 

Kai scoffed. "She is." He said, earning a huge grin from the man. "You're a fucking dickhead." He said, punching the man in the nose, sending him hurtling towards the concrete ground.

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_The killer in me._

_The killer in you.  
My Love. _

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Kai watched Hilary drown six vodka shots in five minutes. She got up from her stool at the bar, stumbling slightly. He walked up behind her. "Hilary." He said her name softly. 

She turned around, giving him a cold look. Her eyes, red rimmed. "What do you want?" She hissed.

Kai grabbed her arm. "You need to stop this." He said, giving her a hard look. 

Hilary tired to grab her arm back. "No! Your not the boss of me! I'm an adult!" 

Kai let go of her arm, and stepped back. "And your acting so mature, aren't you?" He asked. 

She looked at him blankly for a few moments. She then slapped him across the face. "And you think you do too?" She yelled at him. She ran out of the bar. 

Kai followed her, running down the empty, cold street. He found in the park, across from his apartment. "Hilary." He said her name. She didn't turn around, instead he heard a sobbing sound.

"I'm so lost Kai." She said quietly. "I'm so lost, and I'm so alone!" 

He moved closer to her. "Your not alone anymore." He whispered in her ear. 

Hilary cried harder, dropping to her knees. "Your not in my head. I still think about that day - that day in Moscow." Kai remembered when they had gone to Russia for a holiday. Hilary and himself had stayed up, talking in his hotel room. One thing led to another, and he had taken Hilary's virginity. He hadn't spoken or seen her since. "Damn you!" She yelled. "Why am I still in love with you? Why!" She asked. 

Kai pulled her up. "Nothing is your fault, Hilary." He said, pulling her close and holding her. It started to pour down with rain. "Come on, let's get inside." He had to basically drag her across the park, across the road into his apartment. It was cold, dark and musty inside the place as he hadn't been in her for years (Saving the night before) Kai moved to turn a light on.

"No." Hilary said quietly. "Don't turn any on." Kai nodded, and followed her into his bedroom. She turned around to face him. He could see her shivering in the light that streamed through the open-curtained window. "I've missed you so much." She whispered. He heard her high heels drop to the ground. She cupped his face in her hands. 

"I never forgot you." Kai said, watching a sad look etch it's way across her face.

"I've been imaging this moment since that day." She sniffled slightly. "I want to be with you, again. In that same way." Kai stared at her for several moments, before kissing her on her lips hard. She started kissed him back, his tongue went over her bottom lip into her mouth meeting her's. his hands attacked her body, he pulled off the top half of her dress, revealing her breasts. She pressed her body against his, making him go hard. She moaned as his hands massaged her breasts, making her nipples go hard. "I want you, Kai." She whispered in his ear. She detached herself from him. She slipped the rest of her dress of her. All she had left on was her black skimpy panties. He stripped himself of his dress shirt, and pushed her back onto his bed. He grounded his hips into her's, making her moan his name very loudly. She un-buckled his belt, pushed down his pants and boxer shorts. He immdently thrusted himself into her, making her gasp. He thrusts in her again, again and again. She got louder and louder every time he moves in her. She finally comes, and he does shortly after. He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. He rolled over to the side, falling asleep.

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_I'm falling in, I'm falling in, in love, again._

_Again, and again and again, again. _

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Hours Later - 

Her long brown hair blew strongly in the wind. She took a swig from the vodka bottle in her hands. She stood alone, her black mini-dress blew against her body. "Damn it." She muttered, dropping the bottle to the ground, smashing into a million pieces. "This is it." She said, stepping closer to the railing of the bridge. She looked over the edge, watching the midnight traffic whiz past underneath. She climbed onto the railing, holding on by a mere finger to a pole. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in and let go. "I love you K-" 

Kai's eyes jolted open. He sat up. Hilary wasn't next to him anymore. "Damn it!" He exclaimed angrily, pulling up his pants. She searched his apartment, hearing ambulances and police speed past. He grabbed a shirt, his coast and rushed out into the street. People were walking towards the end of the street. Kai followed them, rushing down the street. He wondered what had happened.

"Oh my god!" One lady exclaimed, before starting to cry. "What a tragedy!" She wailed. Another lady comforted her. "What a poor girl!" Kai panicked even more, picking up his pace. He went past the police tape that was en-circled around the embankment, he ran down it. He slid to a stop. He saw her. Hilary. On the ground. A police officer placed a white sheet over the top of her body. He walked away, numbly back to his apartment, through the crowd. He slumped into his couch. He stared at his coffee table, noticing a white envelope with his name marked on it. He picked it up, opened it, pulling out a white piece of paper.

_Dear Kai._

_This is so hard to write. You're the burning light in my heart. This isn't your fault on why I am so screwed up. I know my head isn't right, and it hasn't been for some time. I've been in a very bad place for sometime. And maybe that's why I've been doing bad things. Seeing you for the first time in two years made everything clear. I'm not meant to be here anymore. I need to move on, and so do you. Everyone knows it, including me and you. I need a way to get out of this rut. And this is the only way. I remember when I slept with you for the first time. I was sixteen, you were eighteen. We had spent hours talking because that's the only way you wanted to celebrate your birthday. I remember that you pulled the hair out of my face and told me I was very pretty. That made me fall in love with you - even more than I originally was. You didn't make me crazy; I did. I was angry at you for leaving straight way like you did. I thought it was me who made you do that. I fell into a bad pattern. I stopped looking after myself. I started drinking. Smoking. Sleeping around. I became a bad person. A person I didn't want to become. I went to the doctor last week. He diagnosed me with depression, bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. I love you. And I'm going to love you until the end of time. I promise. I just hope you can do the same._

_Love you always with my heart._

_Hilary._

Kai dropped the letter. Tears poured down his face. He sobbed. His heart inside his body ached. He knew she was right and that she was better off. He walked into his kitchen, and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. 

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_The World is a vampire._

_Despite all my rage, I'm still a rat in a cage. _

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A/n: Hoped you all liked.

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